Foolish Game
by tetsi
Summary: a mix between drama and manga verse, set years after Tsukushi's wedding. Yuki had been missing from everyone's life for quite some time. And no one really knew why. What would happen when they managed to find her? Y/S
1. STAR

Star

_Love knows not distance; it hath no continent; its eyes are for the stars.. – Gilbert Parker_

It was late in the afternoon by the time Soujiro allowed himself to take the luxury of stretching his arms and legs. He didn't realize how long the meeting had taken place, not surprising really, considering the heated discussion he had to endure with his international counterpart.

Nothing in his appearance could have given away any sign of exhaustion and lack of sleep. His suit was still impeccably unruffled and his face relaxed and unfazed even after a slew of attacks on his proposal. The sun was still up when he finally stepped outside the office building. A blast of summer heat burned his face as the automatic door at the entrance hall opened and revealed the start of busy Friday evening trade. A swarm of girls in short pants and bright colored camisoles walked past, some of them gave him an almost flirty look as they passed by. He still had that effect on women - perhaps even stronger than ever now in his mid twenties, no matter the age and nationality, curiously enough.

He cursed the difference in seasons between Japan and Australia. It had been a cold day when he left Tokyo for an intense Australian summer, which he probably could tolerate had it not been for the fact that he had to be constricted in business suit and tie.

He had left all his paper works to his personal assistant once the meeting was over, and right now he wanted nothing more than a relaxing walk back to his hotel. He had another night to kill and another meeting to attend the next day before flying back to Japan. He could feel a thin layer of moisture formed on his forehead and he wished he could have just taken a ride back to the hotel. But he was being unreasonable, since the hotel was only 500 meters away.

A wave of exhaustion momentarily passed his body. He had no desire to eat in the hotel for the evening and with that in mind he turned to a small but upscale Japanese restaurant, inconspicuous and minimalist in setting, tucked in the corner of the mall.

Soft, jazzy music was playing inside and he was thankful for the cool air conditioned room. Eagerly he headed for the sushi bar and seated himself comfortably on the black leather covered high chair. A bit too casual compared to his usual dining preference, but he was not in the mood for a five course dinner. He took off his Armani jacket and placed it on the chair next to him before he ordered his favorite o-toro and white wine.

The room was buzzing with conversation. He noticed a lot of business people, dressed in the same style of suit like himself – although for much less price tag- deep in conversation with each other. Once upon a time, a long time ago, he liked to go to another cozy sushi bar in one of Tokyo shopping districts to have an early, casual dinner with a certain someone. But that was a long time gone. He had forgotten how those dinners were like. The memory had gone from him (or rather, he had forced himself to let it go) along with the memory of his once companion.

'I can't believe he made me promise to go to the office tomorrow.'

A conversation from the booth behind him was in Japanese.

'I thought you have finished the draft yesterday?'

'I need to add a few more stats and charts into the report and completed the summary. That's about it really, but Yamada-san said he had something to talk to me after we finished with the report tomorrow.'

'I bet he just wanted to try some of his foolproof lines on you. You know, hey, I'm sure we have met before; do you come to the water cooler often? Or, babe, I have a condom with your name on it…'

'Oh God, I'd apply for restraining order if he ever said that…' girlish giggles interrupted the flow of conversation.

An uninteresting conversation, really, but Soujiro couldn't help but listening. There was something vaguely familiar about the voice.

'I want another toro….'

'You can have mine.'

'Really? This is absolutely delicious. How come you don't like toro?'

'I used to, once upon a time not too long ago.'

'Yeah? Well, your loss. It's mine now.'

A round of muffled laughters was followed by minutes of silence. He supposed they were busy eating their dinner. He made a sign for another round of sushi.

'You know what, Matsuoka, forget about your weekend work. We're going to gold coast tomorrow. It's going to be a double date with a couple of absolutely, heavenly guys who are far less creepy than your Yamada. I'll help you finish the report tonight and we can drop it in his office tomorrow. I'll talk to him later, OK. Please, we've been planning this for the whole week…'

'I'm not convinced with your 'absolute heaven' term, but if you insist…'

Soujiro's attention deepened as he heard the girl's name. It couldn't be. It had been so long, he had given up his quest after so many failed inquisitions. He thought about barging into the booth behind him if not for the realization that it was not Tokyo, his personal playground, and he could not very well do as he pleased.

He had finished his fourth round of toro when the occupants of the booth behind him rose from their seat, and for the first time in a very long time he found himself too excited to even make a sound.

She didn't look a day older than the last time he had seen her. She had kept her hair long and straight, with a series of curls at the end, the way he liked it. The only thing different was probably the way she dressed, which he supposed was the sign of a more mature life style than a college girl. She wore a simple thin linen white peasant top which he supposed would go well with the climate and a short black A-line skirt that ended just a few centimeters above her knees, with high heels that only accentuated her slim and well defined legs.

She walked to the cashier with her friend in tow, and after a few seconds of hesitation he rose to his feet to follow their steps.

He had imagined a million scenarios on why she had left without a single word. Or how they would somehow meet again and what their conversations were going to be like. He had millions of questions he wanted to ask and sentences to utter, but his mind was left blank as he walked just a couple of meters away from her. He could just step a bit faster to touch her hair and catch her wrist just so he could feel her soft baby skin again, but for some reason all he could do was just stared ahead and fell into steps as hers.

She was still talking animatedly to her friend as she turned her head to fix her long hair. Her laugh was still warm and contagious, and it seemed as if she were having the time of her life. That was until she met his eyes. Her hand froze mid air, hang between her shoulder and the top of her head, her pretty mouth was tightened in a look of pure shock.

'Matsuoka?'

Her friend's question was hung in a cool air conditioned air as she turned her back almost violently and ran towards the door.

'Yuki! Yuki!' He cursed at his inability to predict what could happen beforehand and he hurriedly pulled a few hundred dollar notes from his wallet and shoved them onto her friend's palm.

'Can you please?' he flashed a smile as he asked the astounded girl in front of him before started running in her direction. She was wearing quite a pair of heels and he was pretty sure he could have easily outrun her.

'Yuki! Oh fuck it, wait, Yuki!'


	2. SOLAR

**A/N :**

First off, thank you for those who had responded to the story so far. I really appreciated it, and this is for you.

I should probably have included this part in the previous chapter, but better late than never.

My characterization of Yuki here might be different from the usual one in which she was one that was naïve and innocent. To me, she was a lot of thing, but more so, she was the most human of all hanadan characters. One that was not flawless or full of confidence and pride (like Makino), and that's why she's the most likeable (to me at least) because of all her flaws.

Anyway, onto the fic, I apologize for any vulgarity and sexual implication (and/or outright situation) that will occur here and there. The story might come out a bit dark but that's just how I like it. I still maintain that this is a T rating fic. But if you think differently, please let me know and I'll up the rating to M.

**DISCLAIMER** : all original characters belong to the mangaka. I'm just messing around.

* * *

**SOLAR**

_Like our shadows, Our wishes lengthen as our sun declines_

_- Edward Young_

There was a picture of Nishikado on the wall of her apartment. A black and white photo of him smiling seductively to the camera; his tall and lanky body was relaxed on a plush brown leather couch. He had both his hands up and behind his head, half sweeping strands of longish black hair from his face. She had taken that picture herself on one of their 'catch ups', in a nameless hotel somewhere in Tokyo, not allowing his protest at how he hated being the object of her camera. She had looked at that picture over thousands of times. Never once did it fail to make her heart faltered for a swift second.

Yuki did not put it on a special frame because she wouldn't want people who came to visit cultivated a thought that Nishikado was, had been, someone special to her. She had carefully placed it in a big picture frame, the kind that can hold five or six pictures at once. Next to it was another picture of herself and Tsukushi with a group of four boys in the background. They had been sharing a piece of wedding cake, smiling as they put the sweet soft mixture of sugar and cream into their carefully painted mouth, while the boys were laughing in their own carefree ways. It was her favorite picture of all of them, a candid photograph taken on Tsukushi's wedding party. Their joy so palpable it vibrated through the glass shield, threatened to shatter her happy exterior she had been putting up like armor for the past two years.

It was the wedding of the century, the kind she liked to watch on the news but not to be involved in the actual activity, which unfortunately was unavoidable seeing that she was chosen as Tsukushi maid of honor despite her outright horror. The fact that half of Japan's most influential business figures were there as the wedding guests had not helped her with the whole anxiety attacks that plagued her like a black cloud. Only after the whole rituals were performed, all the speeches had been made, including those incriminating speeches from Rui, Akira, and Nishikado, she allowed herself to take deep breaths. The picture was taken after Tsukushi cut a piece of wedding cake for them to share. She could hear the ruckus the boys made about Tsukasa's future life under Tsukushi's kicking prowess.

The wedding reception was held in the grand Domyouji's residence. The garden was transformed into lush tropical paradise. Scents of roses, white lily, and jasmine assaulted her senses from every direction and every angle. She laughed at the sight of Tsukushi getting ready to throw her wedding bouquet to the assembly of female gladiators. She didn't want to take part in the insanely dangerous game. Instead, she took her chance to hide from Tsukushi's eyes and stood away from the crowd, behind one of the giant flower arrangements.

She could hear the laughter and shouts and let her self broke into fits of giggles as a cool smooth hand was placed on her back.

Tsukushi had been adamant that she wore a dress from the same designer who created her wedding attire. It was a simple but expensive looking dress, elegant and breathtaking at the same time. The front was moderately covered, for which she was thankful. Only her shoulders were exposed which she really did not mind, taking the warm weather condition into account. But the cut on her back was low enough for anyone to ogle her slim shoulder blades and smooth porcelain skin.

She thought it was a bit too sexy for her role as the maid of honor, given she had to move around a lot, tending to the bride's wishes. But the designer had convinced her otherwise.

'You look ravishing, darling,' he had said to her in an awestruck tone, admiring his own creation. 'Peach is definitely your color.' She would have blushed profusely had it been someone else's words, and not the effeminate looking man with glasses and serious look on his face.

She had instinctively tried to move away from the wandering hand, but found it hard to cut the contact.

'Wanna have a look around?'

She glanced at Nishikado, appeared out of nowhere and stood nonchalantly beside her. His cool hand still placed firmly on her bare skin, making her nervously looked around, afraid someone would have noticed his blatant flirt.

'I'm quite happy watching the war zone from here thank you very much,' she watched his brown eyes darken, recognizing something familiar in his expression.

'I promise it will be fun,' he flashed his usual teasing smile at her.

'For whom?' she refused to give in that easily.

'For everyone involved of course,' he half dragged her into another wing of the building.

***

'You're crazy!'

She could feel her body heat rising as he locked the bathroom door behind him.

'What?' He looked like an overfed cat, smiling contently at the sight before him, ready to purr once she let him laid his hands on her.

'Someone might come here at any minute,' she protested in a hushed voice, but that didn't stop him from coming closer, trapping her between his arms as her back flat on the bathroom wall.

'No they won't,' he said calmly, not at all disturbed by her warning. 'This used to be the children's wing. No one really use this part of the house anymore.'

She forgot how familiar he must have been to the whole surrounding, having roamed this palace of a house since his childhood.

'Tsukushi will be looking...,' her protest didn't last long as his mouth landed squarely on hers, his hands lost amongst the trap of her hair.

'Makino can ask someone else,' he whispered on her ears, his voice thick with lust.

She felt her moan caught in her throat as his tongue forced its way over hers. As always, he was her one biggest weakness. She could feel his hands travel from her hair onto her back, making her squirm when they performed the ritual dance along her spine, reveled at his expertise to make her go nuts at the mere touch of his fingers.

He broke his kiss to allow her much needed air, but he didn't just leave her breathed easily. His mouth traveled onto her neck, tickled her ear, threw the rest of her good intention out of the window, and she wanted nothing less from him than to complete their habitual rites.

He lifted her to sit on the cool black granite vanity top. Placing himself standing between her knees. He grabbed her hands from around his neck and placed it on the button of his pants, willing her to do what they had been trained to do after all these years.

She widened her eyes as his hands hitched her dress up and slid his expert fingers inside the black thin lacy material of her under garments.

'This is ridiculous…' she tried to verbalize her thought but her words were caught before they were even fully formed.

He had gotten down on his knees, gently placing her thighs on each of his shoulder. In his hand was her black lacy underwear. He grinned at her before she lost her ability to even think as she felt his tongue began an almost obscenely dizzying assault.

Their relationship had always been the source of heated discussion with Tsukushi. But even she would never have guessed the extent of their dalliance. She had been the one who pursued him, relentlessly, until that fateful morning after Sara's rejection when they finally spent the morning together. She had allowed herself to bask in the warmth of the morning sun and his body heat after he lay exhausted on top of her. Spent. Content.

She told Tsukushi that that would be the extent of their relationship. No more and no less. She had decided to finish that chapter of her life. Which had worked just fine, until she came to Tsukushi's birthday party - thrown in an uber-posh club downtown by the F4.

***

Tsukushi had encouraged her to bring a date for the occasion, to which she surrendered and asked one of her college mates to accompany her to the lavish celebration. The boys sure knew how to throw a party, even if Tsukushi herself was rather apprehensive of the whole thing and preferred a quiet dinner at the café near the dango shop.

She had chosen a simple black dress, a vintage one she had found on a treasure hunt in a secondhand shop. She pulled her hair up in a bun to make the look more Audrey Hepburn-ish, decided to set the fake pearls on her hair rather than wore them as a necklace. Tsukushi had always whined about how unfair it was that she could always manage to make any clothes looked good on her without even trying. What an exaggeration, because she remembered how restless she had been, looking at the mirror that afternoon. Fussing over her dress, her hair, her heels, her almost bare make up. Almost resorted to change her outfit completely had her date not came early and she didn't have heart to ask him to wait for her change.

They were amongst the last one to arrive, the party was already in full swing when she kissed Tsukushi on both cheek and shyly introduced her date to her. He was a good friend, someone whom she felt comfortable enough to go to a movie with. But Tsukushi had always been prone to make a big deal out of everything, which made her a bit uneasy to say the least. It did not make matter easier as she noticed on her peripheral vision, Soujiro was looking at her from his corner of the room, quietly giving her a once over before smirking to himself.

She had been avoiding him for almost a year, even went as far as hiding in the backroom or the toilet whenever he came to the dango shop. Not wanting to face him after that morning where their last meeting had taken place, even though her feeling for him had run as strong as ever. It was her precious memory, which she thought would have been ruined had she have to face him again.

But he had come and asked her for a dance, gently pressing their bodies onto each other, her soft curves molded perfectly into his, as if they were one entity moving together; light as the slow number that was played. It was that dizzying height that she always felt whenever he was near that got to her. A force so high she couldn't have said no even if she tried when he invited her for dinner the next day. All her resolves had gone down the drain; the year had passed for nothing all in that instant, when his hand grazed her behind, his lips all too subtly brushed her own, sending the electro shock through her body.

She supposed, given their history, it had not been too surprising when their seemingly innocent dinners developed into regular visits from one hotel room to another. She was his convenient lay, a fuck buddy, someone he could talk to in between their needs to satiate their bodily needs.

She realized with much shame that she was no different from any of his girlfriends. The only difference was that she had been his one dirty little secret. Because while he flaunted his sex life to the outside world, he zipped his mouth shut about their little game. Even to Akira.

She didn't know where that fact placed her in his world. She didn't want to know, she couldn't care less. Because the only times she felt truly alive were those times they spent together between sheets in some high class hotel rooms, where words were lost once their fingers laced, and his face buried in amongst the messy strands of her hair on the pillow.

***

It was a good day, Tsukushi's wedding.

She let out a scream in his mouth as he came hard inside her, for once forgetting the whole safe-sex rules they had been practicing almost religiously, wanted nothing but for the whole universe to stop and let her savor the moment for a bit longer as she rode her spasms while he pressed his body harder into her.

He kissed her half closed eyes softly, lazily, enjoyed the afterglow on her face, before gently untangled her shaky legs from his waist, her heels digging his thigh, making a mark on his perfectly pressed black Armani pants.

It was her favorite picture of the whole group together, because it reminded her so much of him, of what he was capable of to make her feel. A feeling she had not experienced once she moved away from him. A feeling that came rushing unannounced after so long with the shocking encounter at the restaurant. She might have to go back to Japan. It's easier to hide amongst 130 million people in her country than a few handful Japanese expatriates overseas.

She obviously had taken the wrong approach to the problem.

It was a restless night when she finally turned her apartment light off, her lap top abandoned in her failed attempt to finish the report. Yamada would not be happy, but that was the last thing on her mind.


	3. VENUS

a late update, sorry everyone...

As usual, disclaimer : original characters belong to the mangaka. I'm just messing around here.

thank you for everyone who had given the story a comment or two. very much appreciated. this is for you.

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Venus

_I'm sorry Wendy, but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die__ – _

_Southpark_

He called Akira the moment he stopped running. It was almost insulting to think that he had let Yuki slipped right under his eyes. She had disappeared into the sea of moving crowds when he finally set his foot off the restaurant. The sun and afternoon heat had finally giving way to the dark, to which he did not appreciate since it made her escape all the more easier.

'What?' Akira was surprised to hear from him. But not as surprised as when he told him about his finding.

'It's her. She ran away when she realized I was standing behind her.'

'And you couldn't manage to outrun her? Soujiro, if I didn't know better...'

'Oh cut the crap, Akira. That is fucking hilarious. I'm not in the mood to humor your insult. I need you to help me find her.'

He would have looked for her himself if only he knew how, but knowing Akira, he probably had people working for him in an underground circle in almost any given country.

'How was she?' Akira's voice had lost its smirk. He liked to test Soujiro's limit and boundary once in a while, enjoying his friend's wrath when the teasing had come face to face with the edge of his limited patience. But he was first and foremost his best friend, he always knew when to stop.

'She looked… the same, happy almost.' Soujiro sighed in an almost defeat. Because there was a time when he could never have imagined a world where Yuki would be happy without him. It was almost an unbearable thought.

'I'll see what I can do. Just go and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow…. You're going back to Japan tomorrow, aren't you?'

He was lost in thought for a while.

'How long do you think it will take before you can get me anything?'

***

Nishikado Soujiro. Heir to a multi billion dollars empire and womanizer extraordinaire had never thought the day would come when he would have to surrender a crushing defeat, to admit that he had fallen, fatally, irrevocably, in love with a common girl from a common background. But he did. God is a fucking comedian with a terrible sense of humor; he realized it now that it was too late.

He did not even realize the obvious fact until Akira pointed it out to him. It was Yuki's last year in college. He had been unofficially seeing her on and off for close to three years then, although their private meetings had always been in secrets, when he realized something had changed so much in the dynamics of his everyday life.

Akira was the first one to mention that he didn't seem to enjoy their nightly adventures anymore. They were sitting at their usual hang out place at that time. He had laughed off the sentiment as a mere snide and continued to pour the liquor into his half empty glass. But Akira pointed out the fact that there had been two new girls at the bar since their arrival that night, beautiful to boot, and he had been ignoring them, choosing to drink and day dreaming instead.

He couldn't have very well told his best friend that he had been thinking about his last encounter with Yuki just the day before. She had been uncharacteristically impatient at their foreplay, ripping his shirt in her haste to rid of his clothing.

'Mmmm, someone wants her candy badly,' he laughed while she rolled her eyes to heaven but didn't slow down her quest to get him off his clothes. He never mentioned it to her, but he liked the way she transformed before his very eyes from the shy and unassuming college girl type everyone had come to know and love to a sex vixen she really was.

It had been surprising, to say the least, how their relationship had developed from a mere one sided infatuation to a full blown sexcapade for both parties involved.

He had been gentle with her at first, showing her how she could enjoy their sexual experiments to the highest degree. But he had not counted on her giving him the high that almost drove him nuts. And he wasn't only talking about physical gratification. Although that alone would have been enough to send him up space and back in time ready for the second assault.

'In a way, tea ceremony is like sex itself,' he said to Yuki during their first encounter, half joking but not really. 'The first taste was always the hardest. You learned to appreciate the taste more after a few tries.'

She had been too embarrassed to reply, what with her trying to hide her exposed body under the sheet, and he playfully tried to snatch the sheet from her grasp.

It was never his intention, to drag along their quasi-relationship further than was necessary. He had thought that that one morning with her was enough for both of them to put a period to the somewhat uncomfortable positions they both held in their circle of friends. He knew for a fact that Makino had publicly stated her disapproval of Yuki's infatuation on him. In a way, it was somewhat more than insulting, because he was actually a decent guy once people get passed his choice of lifestyle.

She was a good student, eager to learn and eager to please. He supposed, it was his downfall, along with the sparks and fire works their bodies seemed to create almost immediately once he had touched her, really touched her. It was almost obscene, he thought, of how he felt himself almost breathless in anticipation when his fingers deftly unbuttoned her striped white and pink top. He had guarded his reaction almost obsessively, not letting her saw how strange she had made him feel, in part because he had convinced himself to a degree that he was not the type of man she had imagined him to be.

And so, he was glad that she had decided to stop her text messages and phone calls once the day was over. He was glad that it had ended in the best possible way, with her the one who said good bye. He was glad, except for the nagging feeling he could not shake in its entirety. The empty feeling that surfaced once she disappeared into the abyss of normal life, for she had taken to reject all invitation from Tsukushi to attend any of their gatherings, if it meant there was an iota of possibility of meeting him. Even Rui had started to acknowledge her absence in Tsukushi's life. And you know it was serious when Rui had started to notice something other than his mattress and pillows.

***

One year.

It took him one year and more than thirty women to realize how much he actually wanted and missed her, and how little those other women he had chosen over her gave him pleasure in comparison to the all the little things, those little quirks that she did, the sighs that she made, the shivers she caused, the high she conjured. She was his adrenaline, his heroin, his drug, his addiction, tried as he might to dismiss the sentiment.

It took him one year and a birthday party for Makino, watching her came into the room arm tangled with a man who wasn't him, to realize that he didn't want any fucking commoners –or, non commoners for that matter- to ever touch her the same way he did.

She looked so much thinner than the last time he had seen her. Bony and at the same time ethereal almost in her appearance with her short black dress and the up do hair, fragile as if one might be able to break her bones if they only tried hard enough. He watched with annoyance how Makino fussed over her date for the night, convinced that he must be some worthless guy she was prone to fall head over heel in love with. Forgetting that the accusation had only succeeded in making him fall into the same category as others did.

It took him another half an hour of watching her swayed on the dance floor to go and took her hand, comfortably placing his hand on her back, dangerously low he felt the start of the swell of her butt.

He found himself picking her up the next day for a dinner in town. It only went downhill from there. Or uphill. Depends on the way you see it.

***

Soujiro was by no means a diligent student back in the day. But as any of his teachers would testify, he was always meticulous in his method. He had a set of rules that he followed almost religiously. A lover of tradition, he never wanted to break any of the laws he had set up for himself, which extended to the girls he liked to be associated with.

He didn't like to be around nice girls, innocent girls, as he'd say it. Finding them too much of a trouble to bother with. He didn't like to date anyone who was in any way associated with any of his friends. Because it caused a lot of complications with the way he's playing. It annoyed him that Yuki was all those and yet she had almost effortlessly made him break all those rules even without her asking.

In the span of time they had been together, she had never mentioned her opposition to his life style. She might have hated it, but she was too proud, or too scared, to mention it. It annoyed him because he knew she was crushed, but he was a kind of person who didn't like to make things easy for everyone including himself. It had become his personal battle, his holy grail, to make Yuki ask him to stop his childish actions, to ask him to reconsider whatever his twisted moral value held, which she never did. Maybe out of her pig headedness, or her lack of self confidence when it came to him, he would never know. Because it was all too late when he realized that she was gone one day.

***

It was six months to the day of Tsukasa's wedding.

He knew because he was always a master in taking notes, in storing data, in remembering every detail.

For a reason he couldn't understand, Yuki had avoided him like plague for weeks before her disappearance. She had quit her part time job at the dango shop once she had secured a job with a multi-national company. He had tried to contact her with no avail, and it was close to six weeks since their last phone conversation when a frantic Makino called him out of the blue.

'It's you, isn't it? It must be you. I knew it!' she was almost in hysterics when he picked up the phone. The shouting was not that surprising when it came to Makino, but the fact didn't make him receive the tone too kindly either.

'What are you talking about?'

'I called her apartment but someone else was taking the call.'

'Say it slowly, Makino. What are you talking about?'

'YUKI! She's gone!'

'What?'

'She's gone! What part of my sentence don't you understand? Gone. Vanished. I called her parents but they wouldn't tell me anything.'

It had to be some kind of cruel jokes fate kept throwing at him. He was sincere with his feeling even though he never let her saw that other side of him. Insecurity and loneliness were two dirty words that he didn't like to be associated with, so much so that he was most well known to be the hottest Casanova in town. He realized with much grieves that there was only one person ever that could see him through. With her disappearance, the most important pieces of his broken faith had also gone.

He was right all along. He never should have veered from tradition, from those set of rules. Because once you broke them, it was damn hard to mend the broken pieces back together. Sara had caused him damage. A limp that for a while plagued a runner's stride, a dent on the otherwise smooth surface of his polished life. But Yuki had left him shattered, because after she was gone, he couldn't even look at those other girls without feeling that cold emptiness inside. With Sara at least he knew why she had chosen the path away from him. But with Yuki, he had no idea. And it was worse than knowing that you had messed up somewhere along the way, because he could always ask for repentance. And for a long time he hated her for that very fact.

***

The sky had gone totally dark when he walked back slowly to the hotel. From his shirt pocket he pulled a pack of cigarettes. Sighing, he lighted one and inhaled the mixture of so many chemical components into his lungs, feeling that satisfying burn in his throat. Once upon a time there was this girl who would crush his cigarettes in return for a kiss. He intended to find her and make her his.


	4. EARTH

another update. I wonder if anyone see this coming.... don't kill me please, but this is exactly where I want the story to go.

as usual, thank you for anyone who had left a comment. on another note, I'm taking the rating up to M. just in case.

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**Earth**

_The Earth is a farm. We are someone else's property_

They were a pair of bickering couple; Tsukasa eyed his little family from where he was sitting. Everyone closed to them knew the fact almost too well. It had been like that from the very beginning, from the very first time their eyes locked into each others. It was probably their curse and their blessing at the same time, because it was through their almost incessant squabbles that they could see each other clearly. It was through their unguarded feelings towards each other that he understood how deep her affections for him really were. And he supposed that went the other way as well. He thought he could understand it now, looking at her smiling at him while playing with their only child.

'What are you thinking?' she asked him almost as if she could read his mind, looking up through her fringes.

'Nothing,' he shook his head and lifted himself from his lying position on the bed. He never thought that this was possible. This simple happiness that came just from looking at them, his wife and child.

'I miss her, you know…' she trailed off. She didn't say a name, but she didn't have to. He knew perfectly well of whom she was talking about. As always, it gave him an almost instant chill, because it reminded him too much about the time that he thought he could almost throw his now happiness into the trash.

It was not always like this, his marriage life. There were times when even he felt that she had deliberately taken a stand in the opposite side of whatever he believed in, that everything he did was wrong, especially during her first few months of pregnancy when they had not fully realized her physical condition. It drained him almost to the point of exhaustion. He understood now how someone's physical state could dictate her (or his) psychological one as well. But the learning process had been such a steep climb, not one he would want to experience over again.

***

Tsukushi knew a lot of people in Japan thought of her as an ideal personification of Cinderella, although she herself hated that title. Because honestly, what could Cinderella do without the help of her fairy godmother and a magic wand? And oh, a lowly pumpkin and an army of mice. Absolutely nothing except for moping the floor and cried over lost parents and social status. She had shared her hatred toward such sentiment to her one and only best friend, who had laughed at her and said she really needed to take a chill pill at least once a day to keep her new world from collapsing right under her very eyes.

She missed those times, where she could be just Tsukushi without a pretend calm and collected manners she had to show the outside world. Tsukasa's world. She missed Yuki, she missed her happy go lucky attitude toward the world. She realized with much regret, if only too late, that their relationship, Yuki and hers, had always been a one sided affair as well, with her needs to load her problems unto her always seemed to outweigh Yuki's turn to whine. Not that much different from Yuki and Soujiro's relationship, really, with her taking too much advantage of her best friend. She should have listened as well as talked. But Yuki was gone long before she came into the much needed realization. And she blamed herself for not reading the signs of what was to come.

'Akira said he's on his way,' Tsukasa broke her train of thought after checking his phone.

'Do you have anything planned with him tonight?'

'Not one that I can remember. He might just feel a bit lonely without Soujiro and decided to bother us tonight.'

'You're such a meanie. You'd feel the same way without Rui.'

'You made us four sounds like two pairs of gay couples.'

'Bisexuals, more like.'

He rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the butler who appeared on the door, making way for Akira behind him.

'Guys,' Akira stopped at the doorway with a huge smile plastered on his face, demanding full attention from both of them. 'I want you to listen closely,' he took a mock deep breath before his mouth broke into a wide grin. 'He's found her, Soujiro has found her!'

***

For his part, Tsukasa thought he had done all he possibly could, using all resource he could gather to try and find Yuki. It shouldn't have been that hard, really. After all, he had employed a lot of private investigators to locate her. But he, as was everyone, had miscalculated Yuki's ability to hide like a chameleon in a camouflage, or a zebra in a herd, as they all had come empty handed. It was as if she had changed her name and identity altogether and gone underground, and her parents were none the wiser either. Either that or they had deliberately misled his many men. In itself was a miracle, considering how well connected their web of information was.

Soujiro was the one who had been most affected with her disappearance. Along with Tsukushi, of course. He had found his friend a number of times sitting in the bar alone, drinking half a bottle worth of spirit. Unmoved even with Akira's attempts to distract him from his ghost.

'She must have hated me,' Soujiro laughed bitterly three months after she was gone. They were having dinner at Rui's house. It was some kind of a farewell party before Rui's departure to Europe for a year.

'That is not true,' he said almost too harshly.

'Yeah? And how on earth do you know that. You hardly even knew her.'

'Don't be stupid. She's Tsukushi's best friend. How could I not know her?' he glared in annoyance at Soujiro, thinking what a stupid ass his friend had been.

'You know what I meant.'

In any given time, Soujiro was prone to be the one giving him a hard time or laughed at him. But this time he had been too distracted to prove his point.

But it was true in a way. Between the six of them, they had formed some sort of opposing poles. With him, Rui, and Tsukushi in one side, and Soujiro, Akira, and Yuki in another. He had been too wrapped up in his own affair with Tsukushi to expand his acquaintance with her best friend. On her part, it seemed that she too, was almost too uncomfortable to be in the same room with him without the others present.

Of course, he knew about Soujiro and Yuki's affairs like everybody in their tight knit circle did, even though both the involved parties had strongly denied when confronted by their best friends. It was almost too funny to see Soujiro face while he was looking at Yuki when he thought no one was watching. Man can be stupid sometimes, he had thought back then; all tangled in their own little misery games but failed to see the big picture.

It was also the ever present source of unpleasantness between him and Tsukushi, who had seen the whole affair as Soujiro's fault, to which he had vehemently disagreed.

'You need two people in a relationship, no matter how fucked up the relationship looks like from t he outside world' he said to Tsukushi. 'It wouldn't work if Yuki doesn't want to be there.'

'And since when do you have so much knowledge about relationship?'

'Since I met you,' he looked at her levelly, knowing that his answer would always bring a smile back on her face.

'Idiot,' Tsukushi would scowl, but he knew he had won the battle.

He felt that it was in part his fault that she had disappeared without a trace. Guilty, when he had failed to find her. But that was nothing compared to one ever lingering small voice inside his head that tried to convince him otherwise, that after all, it was all for the best.

***

'Australia? Why Australia?' Tsukushi gaped at Akira when he finally let them know the story so far.

'And how could he loose her?' Tsukasa shook his head almost violently. 'That is beyond pathetic. Here I thought he's the only one who supposed to be able to outrun ME.'

'Patience, people, patience.' Akira rolled his eyes in half mocked desperation. 'I have contacted a few people I know at immigration. Give two to three days, I think I can find her whereabouts.'

'Is there anyone you don't know in the business, Akira?'

'One or two,' he smiled at Tsukushi, 'but give me one or two weeks and they'll be calling me brother and ask me to marry their little sisters.'

Tsukasa snorted at his reply. 'They'll be chasing you, more like.'

'You put too much credit on yourself,' Tsukushi laughed a little, feeling the knots in her stomach loosened. 'Give me a call right away when you find her. I'll go there myself and drag her.'

'You don't have to. Soujiro has decided stay put until she is found.'

'But I want to see her,' Tsukushi turned to see her husband. "It's OK isn't it, Tsukasa?'

He gave her his best smile.

'Sure. I'll come with you.'

He looked at Akira who looked at him in an almost surprised expression.

'What?'

'Nothing.' Akira kept his curious eyes on him for a few seconds before turned to see Tsukushi. 'Sure. I'll give you a call.'

***

_They were kissing each other desperately. She could smell the alcohol in his breath, and he could taste the sweet cherry liquor on her tongue. She was bony to the point that he was afraid she might break apart in his grip. Her hair fell from the neat little ponytail she had supported earlier that evening, lost in the grasp of his hands._

_He was not gentle with her, just as she was not to him. They bit each other's shoulder while she was moving on his lap. Thrusting her slim hip as he let out an almost feral sound from his throat. _

_He had arrived at the club expecting Akira or Soujiro to be present in their special suite, each draped between two women as they usually did. He needed someone, anyone, to vent off his steam. It was a well known fact that he and Tsukushi just had to have argument over everything, but even he felt that Tsukushi had crossed that line where arguments stood for arguments sake. Coming from him, it wasn't something to take on lightly. It was inconceivable, frustrating to the point of exhaustion, seeing that after all they had been through, the marriage life was not all sweet and rosy as he had predicted before._

_With annoyance he realized that his two friends had decided to abandon the place for the night. In their place sat behind the bar was someone else. Her long hair was arranged in a stylish tail, leaving a few strands of curls framing her face. He almost turned around and left the place had she not lifted her face and smile at him in recognition. They were always awkward around each other. But he thought he could see a note of utter sadness in her expression, and he was not ready to go back home anyway so he slowly approached and took the seat next to her._

_It was one of those occasions he'd rather forgot, where his head was clouded with alcohol and everything seemed hazy in recollection. What he remembered clearly was how disturbingly turned on she made him that night. _

_She let out a sob before he heard himself howl. Guttural in sound. Their bodies stiffened, broken only with a series of spasms. Their mouths met in desperate attempt to silence each other, because they knew perfectly well whose names they would scream out. They were somebody else's not in the room._

***


	5. MARS

wow.. fast update this time (for me anyway).

a mixed review for last chapter... but I think it's kind of expected. I don't think it's to everyone's taste and never meant to be anyway. Well, I couldn't even if I wanted to :)

anyway, here's the next chap. i know where I want to take the story, and I can see the end is near (I originally was planning a five/six parts story, but it ran longer than expected)

**Mars**

* * *

_Our passions are like convulsion fits, which make us stronger for the time, but leave us weaker forever after._

Yuki woke up with a giant mushroom for a head on Monday. An empty bottle of red served as a reminder of how and why she got the headache in the first place. That and a half eaten gigantic baked New York cheesecake she bought from her local cheesecake shop after finishing her weekend work with her boss.

'_Special occasion?' the chirpy blonde girl at the counter had asked her with a wide smile on her face when she pointed her finger to the biggest cake on the display. She smiled weakly and nodded furiously, feeling half guilty for unnecessary lie. Especially after the blonde girl ran a rather animated monologue about her own dinner party to attend. (Tiramisu would be lovely, don't you think!) She must have taken a couple of happy pills in the morning. No person can be THAT bubbly talking about cake. _

She had canceled Nana's plan of hooking up with the two absolute-heavenly guys for the weekend, which turned out to be a good thing, seeing that she ended spending the whole Saturday and Sunday working to finish the report before the deadline. The good thing was that now she had Monday off work, which did not happen that often. Thus, the empty bottle of red and a nasty hangover.

Nana had thrown questions after questions by phone last night, asking her about that lovely man who must be mad to give her 4 one-hundred dollar notes to pay for his sushi. 'Is he your boyfriend? Ex boyfriend? You had a billionaire for a boyfriend? You've got to be kidding me to ditch such an absolute major piece of specimen there!' She rolled her eyes to heaven while her mind was full of two confronting thoughts. On one side, she would have given up anything to be able to see Nishikado Soujiro again. On the other, there were a lot of questions she would've rather avoided to answer about what had happened that made her choose to leave.

She had been lucky to have been able to live alone in the past two years. At first she had quit her job in Tokyo to move up north. Finding a new job had not been easy but she managed to secure a position in an international holding company, followed with her transfer to the new country with her proficiency in English. She had to thank Soujiro for that. It was because of his many times of dragging her to lots of foreign countries in the course of their affair that she decided to learn other language. It had proven useful.

She glanced at the small alarm clock next to the bedside table and groaned to see it was almost lunch time. Nana had succeeded in sweet talking her to meet for lunch in the city.

'I have a voucher to eat at that steak place by the river. Pleaseee…. It's a two for one voucher.'

Damn Nana and her insight into her food weakness. She loved that steak place even though the food was obscenely overpriced.

'Fine,' she finally agreed before hang up the phone. She thought about Tsukushi for a brief moment. The mention of two for one voucher would have excited her more than anything. She smiled a little bit. She loved that about Tsukushi. That what Domyouji called 'commoner' way of living, no matter how much money she could lay her hand on. But she shouldn't think about her and her husband. It's all in the past. Just like Soujiro. She's not a part of their life anymore, and she should not have wasted her time thinking about them in any way. It's better that way.

***

It didn't take her long to get ready; she didn't even bother putting on makeup except for a thin strawberry lip gloss and sun block (cheap brand from priceline). Her long wavy locks were pulled into high ponytail, tied with red rubber band with hello kitty button, homage to her cute and kitschy Japanese style she occasionally wore outside office hours. It's never her style to spend much time in the mirror except for some major occasions. A lunch date with her work colleague and best friend definitely did not make a cut into her list of major occasion.

At twelve sharp, she was already waiting for her friend by the river. She loved spending her time watching the occasional rowing boats passed along the wide brownish water. She looked with interest as a group of water skiers in practice attempted to do tricks while holding tightly onto the rope. It's a popular sport here, an all year round sport even in winter, one that she liked to watch but never tried.

'Have you been here long?' she turned around to see Nana cutely waving her hand in front of her.

'Not at all,' she glanced at her watch. 'Maybe about five minutes.'

'Great! I didn't have breakfast this morning so I can get the warm date pudding for dessert. Do you think they will have date pudding in summer?'

'You don't have to go on a diet, you know,' she looked at Nana's petite form, dressed in a shortish yellow sundress. 'And they won't have any date pudding either. It's still summer, I just know it. Crème brulee maybe, or strawberry panacota. Oh damn it Nana, now I want date pudding with ice cream…'

'Sorry.' She pouted her mouth at Yuki before they both broke into giggles.

'You're so silly,' Yuki shook her head and pushed her friend to enter the restaurant.

'So,' Nana looked at her intently. Her chin was placed on the back of her hand, while her elbow firmly propped on the table, and she wore a look of pure attention on her face. 'Who is he?'

The handsome looking waiter had just finished taking their order and poured some ice water into the glasses. Yuki sighed and looked around. Monday was always a quiet day, there were not that many patrons inside the restaurant, or maybe they were one of the early birds who loved their food too much.

'I don't know who he is,' she fixed her gaze outside, watching a group of people running on the boardwalk along the river. There were so many sports-crazed people here in her new country. She could never pictured Japanese businessmen running along Tokyo streets in their shorts and tanks sweating profusely during their lunch hours.

'Oh please,' Nana sipped her water slowly. 'Don't give me the bull. He obviously knew you. And you ran away the second you saw him. Don't tell me you do that to every stranger you met coincidentally in a restaurant.'

She laughed a little.

'No,' she said, 'I didn't mean that literally.' She paused a second, trying to put the jumble of thoughts in her brain into sentences. 'I don't know who he is really to me, who he was really to me. I don't know who I was to him. It's always like that between us.'

'He wasn't your boyfriend?'

'It's more like just friends'

'Just friends?'

'Maybe friends with benefits.' She smiled at her friend's surprised expression. 'Why are you looking at me like that? Is that so strange?'

'It's strange coming from you.' Nana shook her head in disbelief but then giggled, 'Well, I can't say I wouldn't have him myself. He looked delicious enough to share.' Yuki rolled her eyes to heaven. It would have been funny if it weren't the whole naked truth. 'So what happened? You dumped him, he dumped you, you dumped each other and you ran away to stop him chasing you. Is that it?'

'It's a long story.'

'I'm all ears.'

'I know you are, but mmmm… looks yummy,' her eyes lighted up as the waiter came with their food. Two plates of thick juicy eye fillet, medium rare with pepper sauce and roasted potatoes made their chatters died down instantly, at least for the first few mouthfuls.

She ate slowly, savoring the juicy taste and sharp pepper in her mouth. Her mind was full with thoughts. It's probably safe for her to tell Nana the story. She was not a runaway like her; she had lived in this country for almost her whole life, Japanese only in name and citizenship. She had no knowledge about the so called F4 and the vivacious but poor Cinderella that captured its leader's heart. And it would probably be good for her, to let it out. Like spring clean for the mind.

'Well?' Nana and her big eyes had once again focused her attention to her. Waited for her to tell her story. 'Actually,' she added quickly, 'It's OK not to tell me if you don't want to. I'm not trying to be nosy. It's just that you never tell me anything about your life before you came here. My curiosity just peaked out. Don't mind me.'

Yuki laughed. She really liked her. Nana reminded her a bit about Tsukushi. She was a good friend.

'No, I should probably have told you a long time ago,' she sighed. 'And I will tell you I promise.' She put another piece of meat into her mouth. 'But it's almost one.' She indicated the watch on her wrist.

'Oh crap. I haven't even seen the dessert list. I hope they have other things than pavlova. I'm already on my pavlova limit for the season.' She looked around the room to search for the waiter. Yuki giggled before turning her attention to her plate again. But her giggles stopped short as she watched Nana's grin waned and turned into an uncertain smile.

'What is it?' She frowned and turned her head to her right in a kind of bad premonition, almost choked as she noticed Soujiro stood tall and calm next to her chair. His expression almost unreadable as he looked intently at her.

'Yuki,' he spoke softly in that seductive tone of his. He nodded slowly to Nana before seat himself on the empty chair next to her. 'Mind if I join you?'

***

'You run pretty fast,' he smiled at her embarrassment. They were sipping cappuccinos whilst sitting at an outdoor café facing the river. Lunch hour had passed for quite some time and Nana had already said good bye (and good luck in whispering tone) to her before heading back to the office. She thought about saying good bye herself and walking away from Soujiro when he asked her to have a walk with him. After all, she was a free (wo)man and she had no obligation to face him. But she gave in at the end, like she always did, and probably always will. She walked slowly, her arms folded on her chest as they walked along the river, careful to keep a space between them. It was a nice day. She welcomed the cool wind blowing the sweat from her face. By the end of the long walk, he steered her to one of the open plan café and ordered two cappuccinos.

'I still can't believe you outran me that night.' He shook his head again before his lips broke into a grin and her heart lurched from that void in her chest at a speed of light. He still had that effect on her. It would probably never go away in this lifetime.

'I didn't run far,' she said sheepishly, and silently scolding herself. Why did she have this urge to always tell him the truth about herself. She couldn't lie to him even if she wanted to. She was an open book to him. He was the red and blue and black ink gracing the blank pages of her damn life. That was one of the reasons why she decided to move away from his life.

'You didn't?'

"No. I went straight to the ladies toilet. It was right behind the stairs. People usually don't even notice it was there.'

He chuckled softly. His eyes were fixed on her face.

'You look beautiful.' He stretched his arm to run his fingers on her cheek.

'Soujiro…' she tried to back away but there was not that much room to move, and he was not easily distracted.

'Have you ever thought about going back?' his eyes went dark for a second. 'Have you ever thought about us at all?'

***


	6. BLACK HOLE

Sorry, I forgot to update the story here. I'm not abandoning the fic though. so here's the next two chapters. I'm pretty confident I can finish the fic in chap 8. Maybe chap 9 if I found it too hard to fit in 1 chapter. but I'll try to keep this short (I started off writing this story as a 5 chapters story at the max, so yeah...).

* * *

_Not only that God does play dice, but that He sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can't be seen. - Stephen Hawking_

How did a mistake, one mistake, change the course of one's life?

She remembered waking up in an unfamiliar room one night, about two hours before dawn. Her throat was dry, like she was going to choke from the pain, her temples throbbed, her body screamed for cold water. She sat up on the bed, still in that delirious state of someone who had one (or ten) drinks too many. It's a miracle that she found the bathroom without making too much noise. But she was a creature of habit, of countless repetition. She couldn't tell how many times she had woken up in an unfamiliar hotel room with Soujiro before. Finding a bathroom was an easy enough thing to do, without making any noise.

She opened the expensive looking bottled water provided by the hotel, quickly drank half the content to quench her thirst. Her eyes had adjusted to the soft white bathroom light. She looked at her reflection in the huge bathroom mirror. Her face was a bit swollen from the alcohol after effect, her eyes sleepy. She didn't look the least attractive at all. One of the reasons why she rarely went out drinking with Soujiro.

She turned on the tap and splashed her face with cold water, shuddered when the liquid strayed to her bare chest. She was naked, with visible bruises on her arms, and neck. Soujiro never gave her such bad marks before, she thought idly before sat on the toilet seat, to relieve herself. She hated the fact that she couldn't hold her alcohol well. She always woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet every time she had a drink in the evening.

She stood up and flushed the toilet after finished cleaning herself.

The hand soap was nice, she remembered thinking to herself, the white foam smelled like strawberry on her hand. She glanced at her reflection again. Bloated face. Bruises.

_That's why she rarely went out drinking with Soujiro_

_Soujiro never gave her such a bad mark before._

_That's why she rarely went out drinking with Soujiro_

_Soujiro never gave her such a bad mark before._

_..such..mark._

_Soujiro._

Her eyes widened in shock.

A wave of broken recollections and nausea swept over her body, and in seconds she keeled over and puked her guts out. Her face was wet. She couldn't tell what made it so wet. Cold sweat. Tears. Tap water. She didn't eat anything for dinner except for some potato crisps and salty peanuts served at the bar, and yet she couldn't seem to stop throwing up what was stored in her stomach.

It took her ten minutes to clean up and gather all her clothes and belongings.

She crawled in the dark, looking for her scattered clothes; one hand covered her mouth, afraid of the sounds she might let out.

She left the room without turning her back once. It's over. It's over. She knew her life – this part of her life- was over. She sat rigid in the taxi that took her home. She didn't want to remember, but pieces by pieces, her recollection of the night before clouded her mind. It's over.

***

Many, many times she wished that it had been a nightmare she could wake up from. But it was real enough to make her locked herself inside her apartment for a couple of days without once stepping her foot outside the front door, ignoring the many phone calls from Soujiro. Like a broken dvd, she played the scene over and over. It's scratchy, hazy, and hurt to recall, but her mind kept pushing the rewind button. Rewind. Play. Fast forward. Play. Rewind. Play. Fast forward. Play.

That particular day had started pleasant enough. She was smiling the whole day because Soujiro had called her early in the morning, asking her to meet him for dinner.

'What's the occasion?' she asked excitedly, pretending to forget that it was their anniversary. Yes, it was their anniversary, at least that was what she always thought it was. It was precisely the date she approached him years before. Did he finally acknowledge the importance of that date to her?

'Nothing special,' he said. 'I just want to have a dinner with you.'

And with that, he said good bye and see you later. Her heart dropped a little bit but then again he might have planned a surprise dinner. And just like that, her smile came back in full force.

***

She spent the whole afternoon thinking about the dress she was going to wear.

Light blue or any pastel color would have been too tame. She wouldn't like that. He wouldn't like that.

Red? She loved red so much, but she had worn that color for far too many times. Even if she looked good in red, she was afraid it would lose its effect by now. Such a stupid thought, later she realized. But a lot of things looked stupid after a period of time.

She decided on a black dress. Black, like her hair, with a burst of red, like the curly ribbon on her stylish ponytail. She bought the dress on a whim only a week before, blew most of that month paycheck. It was sleeveless with tiny spaghetti strings over her shoulders. Tight on the upper half, hugging her chest while revealed a bit if her cleavage. The bottom half was prettily layered, the hemline fell a few centimeters above her knees. It made her look oddly sexy in a fragile kind of way. She had lost a bit of weight after her graduation from college, and it showed on her face. Her slightly chubby cheeks had gone to make way for her high cheek bones. She did not look half bad.

Right on the dot, she arrived at their favorite restaurant.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Thirty minutes.

It's unusual for him to be THAT late.

She sat at their usual table. The best table in the far corner of the room where they could see but not be seen. The place was a white linen affair, with the best wine list (and glass) she had ever seen.

His phone was turned off when she tried to call.

Forty minutes.

Fifty minutes.

One hour.

She finished her glass of sparkling white, paid the bill, and left the restaurant when her mobile finally rang. It was Soujiro, of course. His voice was calm and collected, with a hint of regret.

'Yuki, I had a sudden meeting for hours. We'll do this tomorrow OK? I still have to go with these people at least for another couple of hours. I'm sorry, you're OK aren't you?'

_No, I'm not_, she thought, but said nothing except turning off her mobile.

On impulse she asked the taxi driver to take him to the club Akira and Soujiro usually frequented at that time. She couldn't say why. Maybe because she was a masochist at heart, enjoying the infliction of that rusty blade in her heart. Because what would you call her beside that (except maybe, stupid?)

She didn't know what to expect, really. But she remembered how she laughed out loud when she saw Soujiro left the club with a couple of sexy, leggy girls as her taxi finally arrived in front of the building. She was such a hopeless romantic. A stupid, hopeless romantic. A stupid, brainless, hopeless romantic who couldn't see where the world was heading, or rather, she could but refused to believe.

She couldn't really remember what happened after. It went like a dream, except that she woke up in that unfamiliar hotel room the next morning with a giant hangover, after spending the night with her best friend's husband. What could have been worse than that, she wondered, she would love to know.

The answer came to her quite easily two weeks later.

It was apparently, spending the night with her pregnant best friend's husband.

The news came like a thunder in a bright day light, beating her senseless with its many shockwaves. And to complete her misery, her period came a month late. Enough to send her world into complete chaos, in between avoiding Soujiro and Tsukushi like crazy.

She remembered lying on her bed thinking about abortion, weighing the pro and cons, checking the places where she could have done the procedure, and more importantly, asked herself if she was ready to do it. Thankfully it wasn't the case, she wasn't ready to deal with the consequences, but the knowledge about what could have happened and what she could have done scared her to pieces. A month later she left Tokyo. She didn't care if it was not fair for Soujiro to be left behind without knowing what had happened; the years she spent with Soujiro were not exactly fair for her either.

It was Tsukushi she worried the most.

But even the thought of her pregnant best friend couldn't have prevented her from running away. She's not her doctor, see?

Was she a coward? Probably.

Was it a right move for her? It did not really matter.

Would it mend the broken pieces she created? No it wouldn't.

If there was another option, would she take it? But that was the only option she could think of at that time.

Six months later she arrived in her new country.

Not at all healed, but she was no longer hopelessly and completely broken either.

***

The café was quiet, and the silence deafening.

'You hate me, don't you?' She asked Soujiro who had stopped talking for quite some time. His eyes looked past her, his jaw set, and his hands unconsciously clenched.

She didn't tell him the whole story (because THAT would be too embarrassing, yes?) Only the fact that she spent the night with his best friend who happened to be her best friend's husband.

_I'm sorry; did that sound a little bit too fucked up for your liking? Well then congratulation, we share the same feeling_.

She smoothen the nonexistent wrinkles on her shirt nervously.

_Please, please, don't let anything happened between him and Domyouji. Don't let anything happen between Domyouji and Tsukushi. It was all her fault. She was only an accidental passerby in their life. And it should stay that way._

'You promised nothing will change after I told you my story, you promised,' she managed to find her voice again albeit a lot weaker than before. But he didn't seem to listen.

His eyes still fixed on the space behind her head. His jaw set, his hands clenched. Was it anger? Pain? Hatred?

She wanted to say how she missed them all. That he was still the only man who ever so stubbornly visited her at night and giving her wet dreams.

But she didn't.

Just as she didn't tell him how, after she left, she always turned the light off whenever she had sex. That when she was closed to orgasm, she often had to clasp her mouth for fearing of crying his name out loud.

She had a few relationships, not many, and more like distraction from her daily life than relationships. They were okay, not great, and none lingered more than a couple of months at best. Maybe it wasn't fair for her partner, but at least she tried.

'I'm sorry,' she forced herself to smile and grabbed her shoulder bag from the chair and started to walk out off the café. She didn't expect him to follow. And he didn't. He sat still in that café until she was out of his sight. His jaw still set his hands clenched. Pain. Anger. Sadness?

***


	7. BIG BANG

before anyone ask me about whether Yuki was pregnant and went through an abortion in the last chapter, well the answer is no. I didn'w want to write a full blown k-drama kind of story. but I posted this on my LJ and some asked the question above. so yeah... just a quick note to clear things up :)

**

* * *

**_Your love is like finger nails on a chalkboard  
Your love is like throwing myself overboard  
A breakdown on a motorway  
A heart attack on Christmas day  
Like scaling a cliff then falling off  
Like trying not to cough_

_(Drowned – Tim Minchin)_

'Tsukasa you fucking asshole!!!'

Rui flinched on his seat as the sharp edges on the white platinum ring on Soujiro's middle finger grazed the jaw and the slightly parted mouth of the young president of Domyouji World Finance Group. The sound of metal chair meeting the hard floor broke the peace and quiet in the room. Appropriately, the soft violin instrumental played on the CD player had immediately stopped. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Akira placed the remote control on the table, sighing loudly.

'What do you think are you doing!' The tall curly man shouted from the floor where Soujiro punch sent him flying. His left hand covered his face which came in contact with Soujiro's powerful right hook while another hand supported his body in a weird angle on the floor. 'Are you fucking crazy?' He flinch a little as his fingers wiped a speck of blood on the corner of his lower lip.

'Don't fucking crazy me, you bastard. Don't act like you're an innocent victim here. Because you're not, are you?' It's funny how the light seemed to grow darker, thought Akira, like a hundred storm clouds had suddenly entered the swanky, minimalist but oh so gorgeous room along with Soujiro.

He eyed Rui from the corner of the room. His perfect brow shot up in a mix of shock and confusion as Rui shrugged his shoulders indicating he knew nothing about what causing the argument in the first place.

Soujiro had made a surprise appearance at their private club in town. He looked tired and sluggish, dark circles faintly seen under his eyes. He walked without his trade mark swagger and slightly arrogant attitude which, strangely, usually made girls swooned. Rui thought he must have had at least a couple of sleepless night to look absolutely trashed like that. But apparently it didn't take much to provoke his emotionally charged friend, his eyes suddenly blazed in agonizing anger as he noticed Tsukasa sitting quietly at the bar facing a small bowl of roasted peanuts, a glass of vodka on the rock lay abandoned on the wooden bench in front of him, clearly lost in his own world.

'Hey Soujiro,' Akira greeted him with eyes full of questions. 'I thought you said you were going to stay longer in Australia. Did you manage to talk to her?'

'Find who?' Rui was not well informed; he had just arrived from a weeklong business trip in Paris (nothing to do with Shizuka, it was business without pleasure much to his displeasure). The gossip train had not yet reached his perfectly shaped ears. Confused, he turned his head to ask Akira for explanation. But his question left hanging in the air when Soujiro's fists started flying. Now, it's not that big a deal to see the two having quarrels from time to time. Both Akira and Rui had witnessed their friends went head to head with much worse result growing up. But somehow they sensed it wasn't just Soujiro throwing tantrum like the one they used to witness as children.

Slowly Tsukasa pushed himself from the floor, his lips bleeding from the cut. Rui thought it was odd that he did not struck Soujiro back immediately. They had known each other since they were little tykes running around in their shorts (admittedly they were none other than PRADA shorts, but hey), chasing butterflies and frogs in the garden. If there was anything that he learned growing up together, it's that Tsukasa never let anyone crossed his path. Not one. Ever. Tsukushi was the only exception.

'Was it good?' Soujiro's voice was low, full of venom.

'Stop it.'

Akira looked curiously at Tsukasa. There was that nagging feeling he could not explain that had been bugging him since the day he made a surprise visit to announce the big news.

'You want me to stop? Why? Don't you want me to refresh your memory?'

'I said cut it out Soujiro.'

Tsukasa had pulled himself from the floor and he was looking at Soujiro like some sort of wounded animal, a very angry wounded animal. Rui shook his head in dismay; he should probably start to prepare for the hurricane ahead. Trouble was definitely brewing.

'Why should I stop, Tsukasa?' Soujiro's smirking face was dangerously close to Tsukasa's. 'Don't you want to tell me how it was? Did you know she liked it when you take her from.…'

'I said fucking cut it out!'

Rui couldn't tell when Tsukasa started to move. He knew how good a fighter his friend was, but it still somehow surprised him to see Soujiro landed sprawled on the floor, hand covering his jaw, unmistakably hurt from Tsukasa's punch.

'What's with you, Soujiro?' Akira had quietly moved from his corner, his brows furrowed in confusion, his right arm stretched out as he bent over slightly to help his friend got up from his position on the floor.

'Why don't you ask the mighty Domyouji himself...' Soujiro stubbornly refused his friend's hand.

Sometimes Rui wanted nothing but to kick some senses into both Soujiro and Tsukasa's brains. This was definitely one of those times.

'I hate to be nosy, Tsukasa, but what exactly had happened?' He turned his head to the angry looking man, speaking in his soft voice. He rarely ventured into his friends' business. He had never felt the need to do so, meddling was Akira's specialty. But there was always the first for everything.

'You selfish bastard,' Tsukasa's voice was low but surprisingly calm. Rui widened his eyes in surprise before realizing the words were not actually addressed to him but to the man still sitting on the floor. 'I'm sorry, we made a mistake. It's a one time mistake.' He paused and took a deep breath, seemingly thinking very hard to phrase what he wanted to say. 'I know, I have no excuse for what I did, what we did. But have you ever asked yourself why she was sitting by herself in that stupid club of yours, half drunk and crying.' His words trailed off, but Soujiro didn't need (want) him to elaborate the question.

'Who? Yuki?' Akira mouthed silently to Rui whose jaw dropped a few centimeters; his handsome face fell in pure shock.

'You're lying.'

Tsukasa smirked without much humor, his hand still stroking his jaw. 'And why would I lie to you Soujiro? You're avoiding my question. Why? Are you afraid that you might find the answer? Are you afraid you'd end up hating yourself more than you hating her?'

'I don't hate her.' His voice grew softer. 'I hate you.'

***

The end couldn't come fast enough, she thought, watching a B-grade comedy on TV. Her thumb pressed the off button on the remote control.

'Yuki! Help me boil the pasta? I'm going to have the shower.' Nana emerged from the kitchen, her arms had a few red spots from the splattered tomato paste and walked quickly to the bathroom

'Okay…' she threw the remote under onto the table and dragged her lazy feet to the kitchen.

It was Saturday. Five days had passed since the last she saw Soujiro. Was she happy that it ended like this? She couldn't tell. She was disappointed, that he didn't ask her to stay. She was sad, that he didn't run to stop her like what they did on movies or TV dramas. Most of all she was sad because she knew that in all probability, that would be the last time she would have ever heard from him again. Maybe. Most probably.

She called Nana that day, once she arrived home. And like the good friend that she was, she rushed to see her that very evening, armed with a couple of shoe boxes full of DVDs and a bag of Doritos and hot, hot salsa and sour cream.

'No crying, daaahling,' she imitated Samantha from sex and the city and laid her box of ammunition on the table.

'Let's see…. Never been kissed? Pride and Prejudice? We can swoon over Mr. Darcy, and his perky butt. Pirates of the Caribbean? You got to choose between Orlando and Captain Jack… I personally will jump the captain in the mud, shirtless and all, but you get first choice for now. Or.. mm… 10 things I hate about you? When you cry, we can cry over Heath Ledger instead…'

Yuki rolled her eyes and giggled. Her first laugh since the incident.

'Thank you,' she said and hugged her friend before her giggles turned into sobs. She had not cried for so long that it actually felt good to let those tears streamed down her face, like a spring cleaning after long, heavy, oppressive winter.

'You silly girl,' Nana smoothened her long hair, 'no need to say thank you. I expect you to do exactly the same for me when I needed it.' She smiled a little, 'I let you have Mr. Darcy for tonight. Chained to bed, smothered with Doritos and sour cream. Just for tonight!'

---

Nana had insisted they spent Saturday together. She said she was okay, no need to worry about her, but her perky friend wouldn't take no for an answer.

'We need to drown your sorrow with a healthy measure of over eating.'

'I'm past the heart broken stage.'

Nana looked closely at her and smiled.

'Sure you are,' she turned and added baileys cheese cake on her growing list. 'Weekend binge is the best,' she lectured Yuki in all serious face and proudly showed her the selection of crisps and cakes and whatnot.

'You secretly enjoy this,' she folded her arms on the chest and shook her head mournfully.

'Now now, don't be such a party pooper. It's an excuse to break my diet.'

And so here they were, skipped breakfast for baileys cheese cake and bubbly brunch, and cooked pasta at four o'clock in the afternoon, talking and marathoning a series of chick flicks and comedies.

'I can sort of appreciate the merit of being a lesbian,' she put a mouthful of spaghetti and licked the fork clean.

'Huh?'

'You know, being lovers and best friends and all that. Not to mention being able to appreciate chick flicks and baileys in the evening and totally batshit crazy over Orlando Bloom's abs together.'

'You might not appreciate his abs once you decided to bat for the other team…'

'Yeah, you're right. That sucks.' She laughed to see Nana rolled her eyes. 'I guess I'm not switching place anytime soon.'

'Yeah, isn't that too bad though? If only you can develop emotional attachment to a dildo. At least you know you have sex with someone you love.'

She snorted loudly, almost choked on the half eaten pasta when the doorbell rang.

'I'll get it,' she wiped her mouth and walked to the front door.

'Hey I'm serious about the dildo! You should come with me to the valley next time…' Nana chuckled at herself and poured herself another glass of wine.

***


	8. ECLIPSE

So I said that the story will wrap up somewhere in chapter 8 or 9. I guess since this is chapter 8 already and not completed yet... the end will be the next chapter. It just felt too rushed when I tried to put everything in one go. so, enjoy.....  
I promise the next one will definitely be the last one ^_^

_

* * *

__I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.  
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.  
I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you don't call.  
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all._

_(10 Things I hate about you – Kat Stratford)_

'Tell me one lie.'

They were back at Tsukushi wedding party, standing side by side watching the bride and groom danced to a slow number.

Soujiro turned his head to see her fanning herself, face still a little pinkish from their earlier escapade (no one noticed their absence, thank god for that, although he couldn't care less had someone seen them leaving the bathroom together).

'Huh?'

'One lie, Soujiro-kun,' her eyes didn't move from watching the dancing pair, her teeth bit her lower lip.

'I wish I had never met you.'

He watched her rolled her eyes. 'Typical Casanova,' she said, shaking her head in mock sorrow.

'You seem to know a lot about Casanova?'

'Not many, but I bet they all say the same thing.'

'Hey!' He playfully tickled her bare back, and for a moment he was reminded again of how soft her skin was when he touched her only half an hour earlier, how nice she smelled when he kissed her neck and buried his face on her shoulder. He shuddered at the delightful thought, and pulled her closer.

'Tell me one truth.'

'Huh?'

'One truth, Yuki-chan,' he imitated her question earlier.

'I love meatball soup'

'Not that kind of truth.'

She glanced at him and smiled.

'I wish I had never met you,' she said softly, almost as if she had been talking to herself. And it was a bit unsettling because he didn't know whether she had been serious or playing a joke on him. He decided that she was not one bit serious, and so he planted a kiss on her hair. 'You're so going to pay for that,' he said, half whispered in her ear. 'You're not going home tonight.'

***

A voice in her head told her to quickly close the door. Because, really, what was there left for them to share? But as always, her body was frozen at the sight of him standing at the doorway. His tall, lanky body in front of her, close enough for her to touch without really have to try. He didn't have that trade mark half smile of his gracing his handsome face. Instead, he looked at her as if he had never seen her before.

He didn't say a word, as he stepped inside the apartment and closed the door behind him. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest, felt the heat rising to her cheek, the oh-so-familiar nervous but at the same time overly excited feeling in her throat, prevented any sound coming from her lips. They stood facing each other in silence for what seemed like forever, before he leaned over and pulled her into his arms, his mouth claimed her, his hands cupped her face.

He tasted the same; his tongue was a mixture of cigarette and a hint of tea, or coffee. She closed her eyes and let his scent filled her nostril, and just like that, she forgot where she was, who she was, and why they were there in the first place.

'Uhm, Yuki, I think I'd better go now.'

Nana stood awkwardly by the dining table.

She pulled out so quickly from his arms; she almost tripped on the thick rug behind.

'I'm so sorry,' she palmed her face in embarrassment, but Nana shook her head and grinned at her.

'I'll see you Monday, OK?'

'But you can't drive!' she pointed at the empty bottle of white they had just finished together half an hour earlier.

'I'll get a train; it's only five minutes' walk to the station. Geez, Yuki, don't worry!' She nodded to Soujiro who stood in silence and quickly disappeared behind the door, but not before she mouthed 'good luck' and winked at her.

'Best friend?'

Soujiro watched their exchange amusedly. Only spoke when the sound of Nana's shoes had vanished from their hearing.

'Yes,' she tried to keep her composure in check, but it's hard to even think when he was this close to her. 'Hmm, would you like something to drink?' She started to walk away from him, but he was faster than her, as he had always been. His hand had taken her wrist and pulled her into a tight hug. Once again, he started kissing her with such intensity; she was breathless when they surfaced for air.

'Soujiro,' she started to say.

But he put his finger on her lips, as if to say 'no'.

'But we need to talk.'

He shook his head, while his hand had took the liberty of undoing her shorts buttons.

And it was as if those years of his absence had never happened. He kissed her neck, her chest, her back. He removed her t-shirt, took her to the bed, making her facing the mattress on all four as he took off his clothes. She clenched the sheet almost feverishly while she buried her face on the pillow. And she felt her vision had gone in a flurry of white and silver and gold and black as he rhythmically pounded into her, his hands on her ass, her waist, all over her back and shoulder. She wished she could have seen his face but words had long left her, her response had been reduced to a variety of almost unintelligible one syllable. Hmmh. Yes. Oh. God.

He kissed her sweaty neck and shoulder as they lay still, spooned against each other, watching the scattered clouds on the otherwise clear blue late afternoon sky passing their window framed vision.

'Come back with me tomorrow,' he whispered in her ear. His fingers lazily brushed her long hair and took them to his lips.

And she wished she could have said 'yes'. But she kept her silence while his hand played with the tip of her breasts.

She wished she could have said 'yes. But instead, she took his wandering hand from her breast to the area below her tummy.

And she kept her silence when they started moving against each other again, finding the rhythm they had practiced to perfection so many times before. Until the sky turned dark, the stars came out, and they couldn't see any more clouds. And they at last fell asleep. Exhausted. Empty. Satisfied.

***

'It's not that easy,' she said to him the next morning. They were having breakfast together on the small wooden table in the kitchen (toasted bread with butter and two eggs, over easy with a dash of salt and pepper). Outside was humid and grey, but at least the temperature was mild.

'Why not? Why can't you come back with me?' he eyed her from across the table, toying with his half eaten eggs and scrunched his nose when he saw her spread a thick brown paste from a questionable jar on her slice of bread.

'What the hell is that? The smell is revolting.'

'Australian delicacy,' she glanced and laughed at the look of his face.

'I'm not kissing you if you eat that.'

'Suit yourself,' she took a big bite of her toast and exaggeratedly closed her eyes and licked her lips. 'Hmmm, vegemite…'

He rolled his eyes and sipped his tea (black, from cheap supermarket teabags). From inside his jacket pocket (hung on the back rest of his chair), he took a packet of cigarettes and pulled out one.

'No smoking inside'

'But I can smell that.. that… that filthy thing in the jar…'

She rolled her eyes in mock despair.

'Fine…. I'll put this away. But no smoking inside rule is still stand.' She finished the last bite of her toast and took the offending item from the table. 'It's an acquired taste. It's actually not that bad. You should try.' She playfully hovered the jar below Soujiro's nose before put it away in the pantry.

'You like it here?'

He had his chin rested on the back of his hands, watching her as if she were some sort of creature he had never witnessed before.

'Of course I do.' She was back on her seat.

'More than you do Japan?'

She glanced at him from across the table.

'You know it's not true,' she said finally, slumped against the chair, her hands fiddling with the cutlery.

'So why can't you just come back with me?'

'I can't just leave like that, you know. I have a job here.'

'You can easily find a job there too.'

'It's not easy finding a job in this climate.'

'You can work for our company if you want.'

'I don't want to.'

He sighed in frustration.

'So it's not really about the job then?'

The kitchen was silent except for their breathing and an occasional sound of passing cars in the background.

'Why do you want me to go back, Soujiro?'

Her voice was calm and collected, but he could tell there was a lot going on inside.

'You're not seriously asking me that question?'

'On the contrary, I am very serious.'

The wind had picked up quite a bit in the last thirty minutes. The weather forecast on TV earlier had reported a little thunder storm was coming this way. Typical summer weather.

'I mean, I'm not, was not, was never even your girl friend,' she continued. 'I never knew where I stood precisely in your world. You obviously had a lot of girls beside me. And even though I hated it, I knew I had no right to say so. You have clearly pointed out where you stood on things from the very first time we met.' Silence ensued. 'The thing is, I was never anything to you.'

Now why did this kind of attitude elude her the first time around?

She felt strangely relieved after she said those words to him. How he would react, she thought curiously.

'I love you.' He said simply.

'I… I… I'm sorry?'

'I don't think it's the proper response when someone said he loves you.'

She felt her jaw dropped.

'Is that enough reason for you to come back?'

Was she supposed to be happy? Her head suddenly felt heavy.

'No. Just, don't. Don't start saying things you don't mean, Soujiro,' she reached for water. She needed Panadol in the time like this. 'I just can't take it.'

'Do you really think I'm the kind of man to say I love you easily?'

He sipped his tea quietly, it had cooled down considerably. 'So will you come with me?'

'But why? I thought you were angry.'

She watched him closely. His lips tugged into a bitter smile.

'Do I have a right to be angry, though, Yuki?' he asked her back. 'I just don't want to let my chance escape me again.'

He reached for her hand and pulled her from her chair, making her walked around the table to sit on his laps.

She was wearing a thin white cotton blouse with grey shorts. He tugged loose the top button and carefully followed the contour of her collarbone.

'I was so stupid, do you know that? I don't care what had happened between you and Tsukasa.' He lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly. 'Nothing will change between us, if that's what worries you all this time.'

She wished she could have kissed him back and said yes, she'd love to go back with him, but she braced herself and looked at him in the eyes.

'But Soujiro, this is never about you and Tsukasa.'

Outside, the rain had started to pour in huge droplets. 'It's always about me and Tsukushi.' She turned her head to see him. 'I'm not ready to talk to her yet.'

***


	9. SOUTHERN CROSS

Last Chapter.

thank you for everyone who had followed this story. I'm not very good at updating, so sorry for that. I hope you enjoy this last chapter :)

_There is no Shangri-La, you know. Every relationship is messed up. What makes it perfect is if you still wanna be there when things really suck._

_Scrubs – Carla to Dr. Cox_

***

_Dear Tsukushi,_

_Remember that time when we were little and we used to make a top five list of things we like or don't like. Of the food we'd love to eat, movies we'd love to watch, boys we'd love to date, things we'd love to do if we were to win the million dollar lottery (not that we had money to even buy the ticket in the first place). _

_I've been thinking lately about things I'm afraid of the most. Why? I don't know, I just do. Shall I tell you my list?_

_Brace yourself for the ride. Here goes._

_5. I'm afraid of being alone. (And yet I'm alone here in the strange country. Don't you love the irony?)_

_4. Earth worm, cockroach, mice, rats and gecko. I hate them. I glued the pages of my biology book back in high school. Yes, you guess it right, I got an E in the test, but hey, life is but a compilation of success and fails, right?_

_3. I'm scared of height and I fear of falling. Yet I love going to the carnival and try the highest roller coaster. What's with me and the irony? Or is it my way of cope with things and basically try not to be such a pathetic paranoid?_

_2. I'm afraid of missing things I'm supposed to experience in life. Like what, you ask? Like puppy love, sleepover with friends, eating cake and ice cream while watching chick flicks on repeat, or to fall in love, break up, then fall in loves again. Like enjoying sunset and sunrise on the beach, like climbing up the mountain and walk on the clouds. Because life is nothing without those little things to fill the volume, right?_

_But Tsukushi, can you guess what my number one fear is? Do you know what's keeping me awake and eating me alive?_

_I'm afraid that I might not be able to see and talk to you again. I'm afraid that I can never face you and said I'm so sorry to you. Not because I don't feel sorry, because God knows I do. But because I'm too afraid to see the disappointment in your face. I don't mind your being judgmental, or angry. But your being disappointed in me.. that would be the worst, don't you think?_

_I'll say it to you now, if you don't mind. I'm sorry. I'm a coward, I know. But this is the best I can do for now. I'm sorry._

_And if you don't know already, I love you._

_Yuki._

She read it over, smiled, then crushed the paper into a small ball before threw it into the basket. A futile exercise she had been practicing for the good part of the past couple of years.

'What's that?'

She turned her head to see Soujiro looked at her curiously from the newspaper he was reading by the portable heater.

'Nothing,' she put her pen down and walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of strong black tea.

***

Summer had turned into fall, and fall had turned into winter.

Soujiro had kept his promise to her and refused to answer Tsukushi's question about her address, even successfully persuaded Akira to hold any information he had in hand to Tsukushi's wrath, saying only that she will go back to Japan when she's ready.

'You're a cruel woman,' he said to her the last time she said she wasn't ready yet again. 'Do you know how many jet lags I have had this past few months?'

She was lying on top of him, feeling him filled her up fast. Her elbow rested on his bare chest, strands of long hair fell onto his face, her smooth, soft tummy felt addictively at home on his long, lean abs.

'But I'm making it up to you now,' she said seductively to him, moving in a way only she knew how to send him over the edge, until he rolled her down and it was his turn to move the way only he knew how to make her come.

'I'm sorry,' she said to him afterwards.

He didn't say anything, only indicating that she had a long way to make up to him, to which she said he's a sex maniac and what was she thinking in the first place, falling in love with someone so insatiable in his sexual appetite.

'This,' he moved his hands under the blanket (it was cold and the heater in the apartment wasn't working properly) until her breath hitched and she had to beg him not to stop.

***

'Did you have boyfriends?' he had asked her on the last day of summer.

'A few,' she glanced to see his face darkened slightly but kept his quiet.

She wondered what crossed his mind. If he had been angry, she would have had no clue. The answer came easily enough with her fifth or sixth orgasm that night. Really, she thought amusedly. Men are idiots. What did he set to prove anyway? It wasn't all about sex. She would be just as happy to sit on the couch watching news on TV together, or sipping cappuccino in a café facing and talking to each other, reading free city newspaper looking for the newest restaurant review, maybe a few kisses here and there. That would have been enough.

But she hid her smile and buried her face in his shoulder, her body still hummed with ecstatic release, joints a bit ached from the epic rounds.

'I love you,' she told him before he drifted into sleep.

'Hmm..' came his reply, eyes half closed.

'And don't worry, you are the best.' She couldn't hold the laugh and quickly jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom before he could have grabbed her.

***

She refused his offer to find her a new place to live.

'What's wrong with this place?' she looked at him in mock offended expression.

'It's so small.' He stretched his long legs from where he sat on the sofa and right away they hit the edge of her coffee table. Just to prove a point.

'It's big enough for me,' she rolled her eyes and continued reading her novel. 'Plus it's close to the train station. I'm a poor expat in this country. I don't have car, you know.'

'I can get you a car easily. Plus it's practically the two of us living here now.'

She turned her head to see him and shook her head. Typical rich boy.

'Only a couple of days every two or three weeks,' she reminded him. It's hardly counted as living together by any standard.

'At least move somewhere where the heater works,' he complained to her at last. It was mid June and the night and morning were a bit chilly. They had gone to bed wearing socks and sweatshirt. Not his preferred choice of sleepwear (OK, so socks were okay, preferably the thin kind - knee length or mid thigh, but definitely not the sweatshirt).

'You're such a sulk,' she laughed at his expression. 'It's not half as cold as Japanese winter.'

But she threw the magazine in her hand and crawled on the couch onto his laps, slowly circled her arms around his neck and kissed his mouth.

'See, it's not too bad,' she said softly when they both pulled out at last, his hands firmly placed on her waist.

'Akira said he's coming to visit next week.'

'I miss him too,' she inhaled the scent of after shave on his chin. It's citrusy with a very faint hint of spice. 'Is he going to stay here as well? It might be a little bit too crowded for the three of us. Do you think he's OK to sleep on the couch?'

'Hell no,' he looked at her with horrified expression. 'Why would he do that? I'd stay in the hotel myself if I could have just persuaded you enough.'

'Sulks,' she rolled her eyes and pushed herself off his laps. There was a loud knock on the door. The doorbell must have stopped working, she thought idly as she walked to the front door.

***

If one were to ask about her favorite Australian season, she would have answered it 'winter' immediately. It's a nice break from the long summer and an almost year round beach culture. The sky was always clear, and she even loved the crispy, chilly morning.

She thought about it when she opened the door. How funny, she thought, that she was still wearing sweatshirt and thick socks with no makeup (it was Saturday morning!) while the person in front of her was wearing pretty looking long coat with boots and scarf. It's even funnier that they couldn't seem to say a word to each other, only stood there bracing the cool temperature outside while their lips stayed shut.

Years later, when both were asked what was crossing their mind that particular moment, they would both answer 'I can't remember'. Fact was, unfinished thoughts elbowed each others, pushing and pulling, knocking their mind – and heart.

None remembered who made the first move. Yuki felt her chest heaved in short sharp interval, as if she had had a sudden asthma attack. The next thing she remembered was Tsukushi pulling her into a tight hug, before giving her a slap on the cheek, then another hug.

'I waited patiently this past five months,' Tsukushi said, 'for you to get ready to tell me your story.' She pulled herself out off their embrace. 'I can't wait anymore.'

She quietly eyed Soujiro who had let her knew his presence. 'I just can't accept the fact that you trust him so much more than you do me.'

Was her friend crazy, Yuki thought. Shouldn't she be mad at her? Disappointed at her? Shouldn't she curse her and vow never to see her face again?

'But…'

'Tsukasa told me his story the day he and Soujiro had that fight.'

She paused and looked at her friend solemnly. 'I've been waiting for you to come back and tell me yours.'

'I…'

What was there to tell? That she was sorry? That it was a mistake?

I'm sorry,' she stuttered, uncertain of what to say next. 'It was all my mistake.' Because that was essentially what she had been feeling the entire time.

But Tsukushi shook her head.

'But you and Tsukasa….'

'Tsukasa and I have problem. We are working on it now.' She shrugged her shoulder in her typical fashion. 'It was a different problem than the one we had years ago, but we're working to solve it just as hard.'

'I.. I don't know what to say.'

'I do. Tell me you're going back to Japan.' She smiled and looked at her earnestly. 'That's the least you can do for me.'

***

**EPILOGUE**

'Tell me again why we do this?' Soujiro buttoned up his coat before lay himself on the blue and green checked picnic rug.

August was definitely not the ideal time to have a night picnic. Especially one when you have to fight the chilly wind.

'Shhh, here's to warm you up,' she handed him a tall champagne flute, full to the brim.

He sat himself up before accepting her offer.

'To your last night away from home,' he said, touching his glass onto hers.

'To your last night being the freeman,' she raised her glass, smirking.

'Hey!'

She had accepted his not so subtle suggestion of living with him once they arrived in Japan tomorrow.

'You know what,' she looked at the clear black sky. 'People used those stars to find their way back home back in the days.'

'They still do.'

'When the acid clouds and heavy smog don't cover their vision?'

'You are one bitter woman.'

She laughed and slid closer to him.

'It's my favorite,' she said, whilst sipping her champagne and looked up at the group of stars in the sky. 'I used to draw it back in the elementary school.'

'What?'

'The constellation. It's called Southern Cross.'

'Why?'

'Because people used it to find their way home.' She smiled quietly. 'Home.'

***

* * *


End file.
